What happens at a Neopagan handfasting?
In some ways, a handfasting is much like a typical marriage. The couple, a presider, friends and family are present. The couple exchange vows and (usually) rings. The couple usually has some attendants to assist in the ceremony. The presider, and the handfasting party sign the wedding license. Pictures are taken. Everybody smiles and hugs.
But in some ways a handfasting is quite different from the typical marriage ceremony. Most couples design a unique ritual which fits their needs. Some of the following components may or may not be present, in any order that the couple feels comfortable with.
The date may be chosen to be near a full moon. Handfastings during the month of May are rare because that is the month of the union of the Goddess and God. The ceremony is often held outdoors; preferably in a wooded area; ideally at a crossroads. A backup location is selected in the case of rain.
The bride will not be dressed in a traditional wedding gown. The couple will wear attractive clothes for the ceremony. The bride often wears red.
A circle is formed on the ground with rocks, crystals or some other marker. It is large enough to handle then entire wedding party, and guests, with plenty of empty space. Candles will mark the four cardinal directions. An altar is located near the center of the circle. It is large enough to support the marriage documents; a knife; chalice; a cloth, rope or ribbon; a small silver box and a trowel! A broomstick is laid beside the altar. Wildflowers may be spread inside the circle. The bridal couple stands to the east of the circle. Friends and family are gathered around the circle.The presider rings a bell three times to indicate the start of the ritual and to demarcate divisions within the handfasting ceremony.
The couple approaches the circle from the east -- the direction of sunrise; this symbolizes growth in their relationship. They walk once around the circle and enter from the east.The presider explains to the guests the significance of the ritual to be performed.The circle is then cast. This usually involves walking around the periphery of the circle four times, with elements representing earth, air, fire and water. They will recite a statement at each of the four directions.
Answering a challenge from the presider, the couple each declares their intent to join with the other so that they are one in the eyes of the God and Goddess, and of family and friends present.
The couple recites a statement, saying that they have come of their own free will "in perfect love and perfect trust" to seek the partnership of their future spouse. They exchange rings. Each recites a prepared statement, such as: "I, [name], commit myself to be with [name] in joy and adversity, in wholeness and brokenness, in peace and turmoil, living with him/her faithfully all our days. May the Gods give me the strength to keep these vows. So be it."
The presider challenges them to drink from the same cup. Each drinks separately. Then each holds the cup so that the other may drink. This symbolizes the need for a balance between apartness and togetherness in their future life together.
The couple will face each other, joining both their left and right hands together. Their arms and bodies form a figure 8 when viewed from above The double circle is both the mathematical infinity symbol and an ancient religious symbol for the union of a man and woman.
The presider will place a cord, ribbon, or strip of cloth over the couple's hands. It may be loosely tied; it might be red in color, symbolizing life. This symbolizes that the handfasting is a commitment, but one that is not an onerous one. This ritual is the source of the expression "to tie the knot."
The couple each reads a statement to the other, expressing their love and their hopes for their future together. Since their hands are bound, the texts are held by their assistants. The bonds are removed.
The couple uses a knife to cut off a lock of each other's hair. This is put in a silver box. This symbolizes their future relationship, one as intimate as the mixing of their hairs.The presider offers advise to the couple, perhaps saying: "Be understanding and patient, each with the other. Be free in he giving of affection and warmth. Be sensuous with one another. Have no fear and let not the ways of the unenlightened give you unease, for the Gods are with you now and always."
The presider asks the assembled guests whether they will support the couple in their new relationship together. Hopefully, they answer "I do." The presider then pronounces the couple to be handfasted as husband and wife.
The couple kiss each other -- their first gift to each other as a handfasted couple. They then perform their first task together: they pick up the trowel from the altar, and bury the silver box at the center of the circle.
The presider, married couple, and witnesses sign the marriage documents.At the end of the ceremony, the handfasted couple may join hands and jump over a broomstick. This symbolizes the effort required to make a committed relationship work.
The person who originally cast the circle now banishes it.
The presider states the the handfasting is concluded: "The circle is open but unbroken. May the peace of the Old Ones go in our hearts. Blessed be."
The bell is rung three times. The married couple then go clockwise around the circle, greeting friends and family.
A feast traditionally follows.
